Sitting In Silence

[00:00:00] What's up, everybody? Welcome back to From Nothing to Something Else. Today I want to talk about silence. You're out there giving and giving. You're the life of the party. You're always able to connect and bring joy to others. But then you go home and you sit in silence. [00:00:14] Last episode, I talked about hearing the shepherd's voice. But what happens when there's no voices at all? What happens when it's just you? Your thoughts, your regrets, old memories constantly popping up on your timeline that make you Sad. [00:00:29] In Psalms 34:18, it says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit and man. Over the last few weeks, my spirit has been crushed because I'll be honest, it's taken me a long time to understand the position that I'm in today is actually a blessing and not a curse. But understanding something and believing it are two different things. [00:00:52] Now I'm a director of youth ministry. I work with young people every day, building programs, showing up for kids, helping build their confidence, find their purpose, and build a relationship with Christ. [00:01:03] Basically, I'm there, but at the same time, I'm not there for my own kids. [00:01:08] And I know how it sounds. I have two baby mamas. I gave away my custody and just signed off my kids moving away to Texas. But from the outside looking in, people are probably already saying that it must be me, I must be the problem. [00:01:24] But what people don't see is I spent the last 18 years in court fighting just to be a father. [00:01:31] 18 straight years fighting for custody, fighting for time, fighting just to be present. And honestly, becoming a dad is probably the thing that saved my life because I know who I could have become without having my kids. And I saw I became the father that I never had. And in court, man, it's demeaning. It teaches you to suppress your emotions because if you cry, you're being manipulative. If you raise your voice, you're an angry black guy. And after 18 years of doing that dance, being all fast, no feelings, you almost forget how to feel and you just become numb. That's why this silence hits different because after supporting other people's kids, going to games, events and performances, I know they. I know they really appreciate it, it means a lot. But it still feels like a punishment because when I go, I see my own kids faces in the crowds and I just can't help think that I wish I could be there supporting them. But God started showing me that the silence wasn't there to destroy me. But separ break Me from the noise. Sometimes God got to get you alone before he can rebuild you. Because when everybody's around, when distractions are loud, when validation is constant, you never really learn how to sit with yourself. Never learn how to just love yourself. [00:02:42] In Isaiah 30:15, it says, in quietness and trust shall be your strength. Not noise, not attention, not proving yourself, but quietness and trust. And don't get me wrong, I still hate the silence sometimes. But I'm starting to understand it differently. [00:02:58] Because in that silence, God showed me the blessing that I still have. I wake up every day with a purpose. [00:03:04] I wake up every day being able to impact somebody else's day. I get the opportunity to grow instead of staying sad. And maybe my purpose has always been more than just my kids. Maybe it's like Joe, I'm calling to be a follower, to more. A mentor, a leader, a voice for others. [00:03:20] Somebody people can lean on. When life gets dark, I can be that light. Not a weak light, but one of those bright high beams of a new car driving towards you in the middle of the night that blinds you kind of light. And maybe that's what God is doing with some of us right now. Not punishing us, but preparing us and strengthening us. Teaching us how to survive the silence so we can help somebody else survive theirs. So if you can't stand the silence, here's what I want you to do. And I know it sounds crazy, but stop running from the silence and just sit in it for a minute. [00:03:52] Pray, cry if you need to. But put your phone down and ask God, what are you trying to teach me here? Because sometimes a breakthrough isn't in the noise. Sometimes it's finally hearing yourself and hearing God clearly. And trust me, I'm still learning. And some days I'm still hurting, but I'm also growing. And for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to see silence differently. Not as emptiness, but as a space for God to build something stronger. [00:04:18] So just remember, even in silence, God is still speaking. [00:04:23] All you gotta do is listen. [00:04:25] So again, thanks for listening. From nothing to something else. I'll talk to y' all next week.